Cicatrix
by alien09
Summary: A call from Hawaii reopens old wounds and has Kensi rethinking her relationship with Deeks. Densi. Crossover with Hawaii Five-0. Auish.
1. Chapter 1

**a/n: this would not leave me alone. so for now it's AUish because the show might go in a completely different direction. my first foray into this fandom, so let me know that i've done these characters the justice they deserve.**

**Set in the Hawaii Five-0/NCIS LA crossover timeline.**

Kensi tapped her fingers, the wood beneath her nails drumming out a rhythmic beat. It was five minutes to eight and the early morning sun slanted through narrow windows, casting a warm terracotta glow over the OSP headquarters.

She had arrived at six this morning, pounding out her frustration on the punching bag Sam had left out yesterday. Boxing had become a favourite of hers after Jack had left. Focusing on each hit, feeling the give of the bag as her knuckles drove into it – it allowed Kensi to detach herself if only for that brief moment in time. Her muscles would ache and her body would strain after each session, but she welcomed the pain. It was a familiar emotion, a welcoming one.

_What did it matter that Eva was all over Deeks? He's your partner. That's it._

The thought, one that hadn't left her since yesterday when she had watched Deeks embrace Eva, had left her restless. Kensi had come close to pulling her hair out in frustration, avoiding analyzing _why _that tightening in her chest had even occurred in the first place. She wasn't going to deny that she didn't flirt with Deeks. It was hard not to, considering the man couldn't resist laying on the charm no matter how short the skirt. And Kensi was positive that Deeks flirted _back_, recalling the mildly inappropriate comments he would make at times.

_We don't have a thing._

'You're here early,' Callen's voice broke Kensi from her thoughts. The lead agent arched an eyebrow in her direction as he deposited his duffle beside his desk, a brown paper bag in his other hand.

'Is that bacon?' Kensi asked instead of answering the unspoken question. 'Didn't you have that yesterday?'

'Are you going to start asking me about my cholesterol too?' Callen retorted, mildly irritated. Kensi smiled, imagining the lectures Sam must be giving his partner about the benefits of healthy eating. Being a SEAL, and having grown up around Marines, Kensi knew how seriously military men took their diet.

'She isn't. Because that would mean discussing her unhealthy appreciation for anything fried,' Deeks interjected, flashing Kensi a smirk as he practically collapsed into his chair. Kensi made a face, her eyes tracking over his wrinkled shirt and unkempt hair.

'Seriously she made me drive all the way to across town because she _had _to have a fried snickers bar. Who the hell wants to eat deep fried chocolate? It's unnatural,' Deeks continued.

'The guy over on Universal?'

'Closed down. OP Café at Santa Monica,' Kensi told Callen, who nodded. Deeks cut his gaze between the two in disbelief.

'Morning,' Sam greeted them, pulling up short when he spotted the greasy breakfast Callen had laid out in front of him. 'I know that isn't what I think it is.'

The sharp trill of a cell forestalled any reply Callen was going to make.

'Is that…Celine Dion?' Deeks questioned hesitantly as Kensi fumbled around in her purse. She had programmed that tone for a select group of people.

'Not a word,' she bit out as she caught a glimpse of the 808 area code flashing across her screen.

'Agent Blye.'

'I need you to call me back on a secure line,' a man said. Kensi knew not to question the request.

'Give me a minute,' she promised and immediately hung up, eyes scanning the room for Hetty.

'Something wrong?' Callen questioned.

'Give me a heads up if Hetty's coming my way. I need to borrow her phone,' Kensi replied, not waiting for an answer as she headed towards Hetty's desk.

Punching in the number Kensi tamped down the urge to chew on her nails. The last time she had spoken to the man, he had helped untangle her from a sticky situation in Jakarta. She hadn't even known it was him until years after the fact, when contacting him had been limited to a few sparse phone calls whenever he wasn't on assignment.

'We're clear?' The man asked.

'Affirmative,' Kensi couldn't help but smile, a genuine one that rarely emerged. 'Lt Cdr Joe White. To what do I owe the pleasure?'

'Can't I check in on my goddaughter every once in a while?' Joe wondered and Kensi felt her chest warm at his voice. It had been a long time, _too _long, since she had heard from him.

'Heard you hung up your wetsuit,' Kensi said, twisting the phone cord around her finger.

There was a pause. 'I heard about Dom.'

The name made Kensi's throat close up and her hands to shake.

'Yeah,' Kensi felt her voice tremble, glancing up to see Deeks looking right at her. Turning around so her back was to him, Kensi ducked her head down. 'You need something?'

'I need you to come to Hawaii. There's a video with no audio, and I need someone to tell me what their saying.'

Kensi frowned. 'Abby Scuito would probably-'

'I need someone I can trust kid. It's…personal.'

There was a catch in Joe's voice that Kensi hadn't heard before. The last time she had heard it was when he had placed his hands on her shoulders, knees bent as he told her about her father.

'Okay. Okay. I'll be on the next flight out,' Kensi told Joe firmly. There was a beat of silence.

'Let me know when to pick you up,' was all Joe said before he hung up, leaving Kensi to stare at the phone.

'Is there a reason you've appropriated my phone Miss Blye?' Hetty's question had Kensi whirling around, the phone cord wrapping around her waist.

'Erm,' Kensi murmured, feeling like she had ruined another Versace gown from Hetty's wardrobe.

'Well?' The demure woman pushed, folding her arms and peering up at Kensi patiently.

'I need to go to Hawaii.'

'You do?' Hetty phrased it as if it were a statement.

'I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important-'

'It is quite alright Miss Blye. Your Lt Cdr requested that I release you last night, and I granted his appeal without hesitation,' Hetty interrupted her, Kensi blinking slightly in astionishment.

'He did that?'

'Of course. Cdr White has always been polite in our dealings.'

'You know Joe?'

Hetty motioned towards Sam with a minute nod.

'Oh.'

_Do you know that Joe was there for me when I fell off the edge? That he helped pull me back when I thought I couldn't? _

Kensi thought Hetty did, in fact, know her entire history with Joe White but wisely chose not to have that suspicion confirmed.

'Be back as soon as you are able,' Hetty said, dismissing her. Kensi untangled herself from the phone almost sheepishly, ignoring the inquisitive stares of Callen and Sam as she stuffed her badge and phone back into her bag.

'Going somewhere?' Sam finally enquired.

'Hawaii,' Kensi allowed.

'You know when you'll be back?' Callen posed.

'Day tops I think.'

'Whose Joe?'

Kensi rolled her eyes at Deeks, flashing the three men a tight smile and hurried wave as she dashed out the door. Pulling out her smartphone again, she wondered if there was a flight within the next two hours she could catch.

'Hey!'

'Not now Deeks,' Kensi said, unlocking her car and sliding into the driver's seat. She tried to shut the door but couldn't, noting the tanned hand that had a firm grip on the rubber sealing. Kensi sighed, refused to look at him as she waited for him to speak. A minute passed in silence before Kensi finally focused her gaze on Deeks.

'I have a flight to catch-'

'Are you still pissed at me because of the whole Eva thing?'

_I thought we had a thing._

Kensi was about to respond sarcastically, something cutting and witty, but the serious look buried behind his blue eyes had her biting her tongue.

'No Deeks. I'm not,' she told him truthfully. Deeks swallowed her answer.

'You need a lift to the airport?'

'I'll catch a cab from my place,' Kensi said, wondering if she imagined the faint flicker of disappointment that flashed through Deeks' eyes.

'I'll pick you up when you get back then.'

Kensi felt her lips curve slightly at his persistence. 'I'll text you the details.'

Deeks nodded, slamming the door to her SUV shut. 'Have fun in Hawaii.'

She drove away with a faint flutter of her fingertips, watched in the rearview mirror as her partner stood there with his hands tucked into the pockets of his jeans. Kensi lifted her eyes away, tightened her grip on the steering wheel.

_Maybe I just need a little space to clear my head._

A few feet away Deeks stood, brow furrowed.

'Yeah, it still feels like she's running away from me.'


	2. Chapter 2

Kensi stood outside LAX, the small duffle she had brought along slung over her shoulder. Shielding her eyes from the sun she searched for Callen's car, her legs still aching from the cramped seats.

Deeks had rung her up before her flight, muttering something about his apartment being fumigated and Monty, apologizing profusely for not being able to make it in time to pick her up. While on one level she had been disappointed, the larger part of her needed time to regroup after seeing Joe in Hawaii. And that would have been almost impossible with Deeks. The man never knew when to stop pushing, a trait Kensi wasn't sure whether to appreciate or regard with annoyance.

Hearing the familiar rumble and the sleek black paint, Kensi gave Callen a grateful smile when he pulled up.

'How was Hawaii?' Callen asked as Kensi buckled herself in.

'It was fine.'

'Just fine?' Kensi gave Callen a look, the other man smiling fondly as he pulled back into traffic. The rest of the ride was spent in silence, something which Kensi enjoyed. While Callen and her could never quite be partners the way he was with Sam, or she was with Deeks, Kensi couldn't deny that out of everyone on the team Callen was the easiest to relate to. Both of them kept their skeletons firmly in the closet and when those bones spilled out – like Callen's did recently – Kensi was sure neither of them would ever truly _talk _about the matter.

'Did you get bacon _again_?' Kensi arched an eyebrow, catching sight of the plastic covered container in the backseat. 'This is about making a point, isn't it?'

'I am genetically gifted,' Callen replied easily. 'Sam just needs to learn to accept that.'

Kensi studied the lead agent closely, noticing the worry lines that hadn't been there before their trip to Prague. No matter how ruthless and calculating he appeared to be, Kensi knew that Callen felt things more keenly. His empathy had been one of the things that had most attracted her when she had first joined OSP, something which Nate had never quite wrapped his head around when she had told him.

'This might be a little late, but you okay? Like actually okay?' Kensi attempted. There was a brief moment when Kensi thought he wouldn't answer.

'I'm fine Kens.'

'No stealing my lines,' she chastised gently, recognizing the words for what they were. Kensi allowed the previous quiet to lapse over them, humming a song she had heard over the radio under her breath.

'**He's not going to let this go, is he?' Kensi turned to Joe, watching as Steve McGarrett trudged towards his blue pick up. Joe regarded her thoughtfully.**

'**Have you ever let your father go?'**

'**Touche,' Kensi retorted, her lips tipping upwards.**

'**He's walking down a path I don't think he knows he isn't ready to take,' Joe murmured under his breath and Kensi felt a flare of jealousy inside her chest at the obvious bond between the two men. Looking over her shoulder and returning Steve's wave before he drove away, Kensi wondered whether the years of separation had dulled the relationship between Joe and her. **

**Seeing him with a tan and dressed in those gaudy printed shirts, Joe White looked nothing like the man she had known growing up. His voice carried secrets and his eyes were weighed down with regret. But despite that, his concern for Steve was readily apparent, something which Kensi couldn't help but share. She knew what it was like becoming obsessed with revenge, a road she had ridden for a while even when she was with Jack. **

'**I don't think anyone is ever ready to take that path, and they shouldn't have to in the first place,' Kensi muttered. Joe straightened in his seat but didn't offer a reply, instead pushing the cardboard box Steve had given her forward wordlessly.**

_Shelburne._

Bringing up the picture in her head, Kensi saw the minute tightening of Wo Fat's face when the name was mentioned. It niggled in the back of her mind like a parasite.

_Well at least this will distract you from anything relating to Deeks and Eva and how you feel about the two combined._

'Great,' Kensi sighed softly, pinching the bridge of her nose as they pulled up outside of headquarters. And she had been doing so well up till now.

'Look whose back without a tan!' Deeks exclaimed when Kensi walked in, smile faltering when Kensi sent him a level glare. 'What? I already apologized for not being able to pick you up!'

'Number one,' Kensi stated, carelessly tossing her bag to the floor as Sam commented on Callen's bacon. 'I get to control the radio today.'

'It wasn't like I deliberately-'

'Number two,' she continued loudly over his voice, Deeks closing his mouth sullenly. 'We have to stop by Santa Monica for a deep fried Snickers bar.'

'Fine,' Deeks acquiesced. 'Would you like my firstborn as well?'

'Nah,' Kensi waved his question off as Eric signaled that they had a case. 'That would require a woman _wanting _to be the mother of your child.' She smiled to take away the sting. Whatever Deeks was about to say was swept aside when Hetty walked in to conduct the briefing.

The rest of the day passed by in a blur. Deeks endeavored to perform a passable British accent, only for it to fall flat. At least his efforts made Kensi smile, the first genuine one she had given him all day. Of course that was tempered by his decision to label her a topless Brazilian model, but that had been a compliment really. Watching as she flirted with their mark, the way the sun glinted off her olive skin and brown hair, Deeks was confident in saying that Kensi was probably the most beautiful woman within his line of sight at that moment in time.

He just wished that she would talk about Hawaii. Deeks had wanted to start his probe gently, soften her up with her deep fried treat before launching his next tactical strike. But the deep furrow and forced levity that Kensi had been affecting all day was beginning to eat away at his patience.

'So seriously, how was Hawaii? Joe alright?' Deeks asked casually as they drove back from the clubhouse, Kensi staring straight ahead at the road in ostensibly deep concentration.

'Please. I know you ran his name the minute I left,' Kensi snorted. 'Don't even try to deny it. Callen and you are so predictable.'

'Alright. I'm not going to feel guilty about making sure my partner wasn't running headfirst into something I didn't have all the facts on. So I might have accidentally typed his name and happened to chance upon a picture of his majestically bald head.'

'Deeks,' Kensi shook her head, Deeks thought fondly.

'I noticed you didn't include Sam in your blame game.'

'Sam knows the guy I was helping out,' was all Kensi offered, a carrot dangling in front of him. Did that mean she had been helping Joe help someone else? Kensi's phone vibrated in the cup holder, Deeks fishing it out and catching sight of a number that wasn't listed.

'Answer it,' Kensi said after catching a glimpse. Deeks obediently pressed send. 'Special Agent Kensi Blye.'

'Kensi, this is Lt Cdr Steve McGarrett.'

'Steve?' Kensi sounded confused. 'What is it? Is Joe okay?'

'Joe's fine but I think we need to talk.'

Kensi bit her lip, glancing at Deeks. 'I'm on a case. I'll call you after?'

'Sure. Speak to you then Kensi.'

'So…he sounded young. And strapping,' Deeks commented as he placed the phone back. Kensi didn't answer, her brow furrowed.

'Kensi?'

'What?' She snapped back, Deeks holding his hands up automatically.

'Woah. Okay then.'

'Sorry,' Kensi sighed out, worrying her bottom lip. 'I didn't mean…'

'I know. You need to be fed sugar regularly otherwise you get grumpy.'

'Very funny.'

'Only speaking the truth,' Deeks replied lightly. 'You need anything?'

'Not with Joe or Steve,' Kensi answered in a tone that brooked no argument. 'But I do need this…'

Deeks didn't say a word when Kensi made a detour towards Santa Monica and switched the techno station over to a classic rock channel he sometimes listened to.

_Who the hell was Steve McGarrett?_


	3. Chapter 3

It had taken a lot of restraint to not call McGarrett the minute they had closed the case. Filling out the paperwork back at the Mission was near impossible.

'Kens,' Callen said, looking pointedly at her knee that was bouncing up and down. Kensi mouthed an apology and pressed the fingers against her temple harder, worrying her lip as the words seemed to swim on the paper.

_God concentrate. You're a trained agent. Compartmentalize. Besides Joe is fine. He's healthy and alive and sitting somewhere on the beach with a beer in his hand. He's _fine.

'You got somewhere you need to be Kens?' Sam's voice had her neck snapping up abruptly.

'She needs to return a call to Steve McGarrett,' Deeks answered, earning him a heated glare from Kensi. Sam raised an eyebrow at the name.

'As in Navy SEAL Lt Cdr McGarrett?' Sam enquired.

'The one who owes you a steak,' Kensi affirmed, still bristling at the way Deeks had offered up the name so willingly. Didn't he understand the meaning of personal business? With the amount of information he held about his past so close to the vest, Kensi thought he would have at least acknowledged that they all did the same.

Sam let out an amused chuckle. 'Yeah for the past ten years. I didn't know you knew him.'

'He works with a friend of mine,' Kensi said, though calling Joe a friend was an understatement.

'Still a military brat no matter where you go huh Kensi?' Sam asked. Kensi offered him a smile, lifting a shoulder.

'What can I say? The military I understand, everyone else is just crazy.'

'That actually explains a lot about you,' Deeks chipped in, flinching back when Kensi fixed him with a stare.

'If it's important I'll take care of your paperwork,' Callen told her, giving her an understanding gaze after quickly surveying the tense coil of her muscles. The wave of relief that swept through her was surely palpable to Callen.

'Thanks G.'

'Anything for my favourite NCIS agent,' Callen brushed aside her thanks, reaching for the thin stack of paper on her desk. Snatching up her phone she couldn't resist pecking Callen on the cheek, almost laughing when she saw the faint blush creep up the lead agent's neck and the strangled sound that came from Deeks at the gesture.

'See you guys tomorrow!' She called out, rushing to her car and driving off before Deeks could catch up with her again. A half hour later she sat on her couch, feet tucked into woolly socks and playing with the strap of her white racerback. Stealing a quick look at the clock she dialed Steve's number.

'McGarrett,' the clipped tone made her nervous.

_Even his voice is sexy._

'Steve its Kensi Blye,' she answered, thankful that her voice was steady.

'Agent Blye?' Steve sounded surprised, though it wasn't hard to discern the fatigue in his tone.

'You wanted to speak with me?' Kensi retorted somewhat impatiently.

'Hold on one second,' Steve said, the murmur of voices in the background receding before there was total silence on the other end. She heard the creak of an office chair, imagined Steve behind a big oak desk with some kind of collectible ship displayed close by. It was a common theme amongst the Navy men in her life, her father and Joe guilty of the same design scheme. Jack's study had been sparse and utilitarian though.

'Look I'm calling to give you a heads up,' Steve told her briskly. 'That footage you were reviewing for Joe? The one about my father?'

'Yeah,' Kensi distinctly remembered the disbelief on Steve's face when he had seen his father shaking hands with Wo Fat.

'An old World War Two vet who helped us out was tortured to death a couple of hours ago in his home,' Steve stated neutrally.

'Wo Fat?'

'Looks that way,' Steve sounded resigned and angry. 'He attacked Joe in his apartment as well-'

'_What? _You told me Joe was fine!' Kensi subconsciously rose to her feet.

'He is,' Steve quickly assured her, no doubt startled by the strength of her concern. 'A few bumps and bruises but he's good.'

'Why didn't he call me?' Kensi murmured, more to herself.

'He probably didn't want to worry you,' Steve placated.

Kensi pinched the bridge of her nose. 'So you think Wo Fat's after the people who went digging into Shelburne?'

Steve hummed in agreement. 'If he knows that Joe was involved, I wouldn't be surprised if he knew you got roped into helping as well.'

'How far does this guy's tentacles spread?' Kensi asked. There was a brief pause.

'He's been linked to a lot of things, but he's always kept his hands clean. And he's not stupid. He knows exactly how to break someone down.'

'Fantastic. Just what my life needs right now,' Kensi muttered.

'I'm sorry about this. I know you did this for Joe-'

'I'm glad to help,' Kensi cut him off. 'You just want some answers about your Dad. If I can help you find some, then I'm going to. Okay?'

Steve chuckled. 'Joe wasn't kidding when he said you were stubborn.'

'It's one of my redeeming qualities,' Kensi joked, hand on her hip. 'Thanks for letting me know.'

'I'm sending over the file I have on Wo Fat,' Steve offered, surprising Kensi.

'Seriously?'

'Consider it a professional courtesy.'

Kensi laughed, thanking Steve before ending the call.

'Too bad he lives in Hawaii,' she sighed as she got into bed. Switching her phone to vibrate, Kensi was surprised to note that she didn't have any missed calls from Deeks.

_Not that I'd tell him anything_, was the last thought she had before drifting off to sleep.

A light sleeper, both out of habit and necessity, Kensi held her breath when she heard a faint thud come from her living room. Grabbing the gun she kept under her pillow, she slid silently to her feet and hugged the walls, leaning her head slightly around to see a figure dressed in black with a ski mask over their head rummaging through one of her drawers.

_Slow. Quiet. Stealthy._

She chanted the mantra over and over in her head, inching closer and closer towards the figure who had their back turned to her.

_Almost there._

The faint dull vibrating of her phone startled them both, the masked figure twisting around to see Kensi and the gun pointed at their face. Ducking down the figure swept Kensi's legs from under her, the sudden movement shocking Kensi and knocking her gun from her hand.

'You think you can come into my house and violate me like this?' Kensi gritted out, scissoring her legs around the figures ankle and twisting aggressively. A muffled groan was let out as the figure's shoulder impacted off the floor, Kensi attempting to straddle the figure and deliver a solid blow to their temple. She saw the heel of the figure's palm snap out, Kensi bending her head back enough for the hit to land on her chin rather than her nose. Her teeth snapped together and Kensi tasted blood.

'Shit,' Kensi spat out, covering her mouth instinctively. The figure sensed the opportunity and bucked their hips, both legs pressed tight together and connecting violently with the back of Kensi's head. The momentum of Kensi's fall was enough for the figure to break free, the person wasting no time before bolting out her front door.

'_Shit_,' this time Kensi said it in irritation, grabbing her gun off the floor as she cradled the back of her neck. Dumping the gun on her bed she reached for her phone, staring incredulously at the reason her silent takedown had been thwarted.

'Spam? Are you kidding me?' Kensi huffed out, wincing when her mouth and head protested. Automatically she pressed one on her speed dial.

'Is this a booty call?' Deeks asked, his voice heavy with sleep.

'I need you to get Eric and Nell to pull any footage they can around my apartment from the past hour.'

'Kensi, it's three in the morning.'

'Just do it, alright Deeks? Tell them to look for someone dressed in black and wearing a ski mask-'

'Wait what?'

'Past hour Deeks,' she repeated, ignoring his follow up question by saying a quick thank you and ending the call. Sucking in a deep breath Kensi dialed another number.

'McGarrett.'

'Well it looks like Wo Fat knows I was lip reading that video,' she started, staring impassively at the half-open drawer the figure had been going through. 'Because someone just broke into my apartment looking for something.'


	4. Chapter 4

Kensi pressed the ice pack to the back of her head, letting the cold numb the niggling pain that had been building up since her conversation with Steve.

'**You think they were looking for the footage you had me review?' Kensi asked, wincing slightly as she moved her mouth. **

'**It's definitely a possibility.'**

'**What I want to know is how the bastard knows where I live, and who he sent to do his dirty work. From what I know about Wo Fat, he doesn't seem like the kind to skulk around in a bad ninja costume.'**

**Steve sighed in frustration. 'You're right. He usually sends others to do his dirty work, but he went to Joe personally. Listen I'll look into Wo Fat's movements down this end.'**

'**I'll try and see if I can establish a timeline or something from surveillance footage,' Kensi added.**

'**Hey I'm sorry about this.'**

**Kensi rolled her eyes. 'Were you the one who broke into my apartment?'**

'**If I was in your apartment, it'll be because I was invited in,' Steve responded and Kensi had to blink, wondering if she had heard right. Finally letting out a little chuckle, she promised to check back with him the next day via video conference.**

'What about down there?' Eric mumbled, fingers flying over the control pad in his hands. Kensi narrowed her gaze, taking in the enhanced figure on screen.

'No I think that's just a guy who _really _likes black,' she said. 'It's like he _knew _where the cameras were outside my building. Which means he was watching me…'

_How did I miss that? I'm sure I didn't see anyone. _

'Are you sure it was a guy?' Nell posed.

'Right. Because women can be just as deadly too,' Eric agreed hurridly.

Something tickled the back of her memory. 'Whoever broke in…they felt soft. _Too _soft. Like they didn't work out enough to be considered professional. And she was rather short, a few inches off me…'

'I could run a matrix to search anyone within those height parameters but-'

'It'd be a waste of time. I know,' Kensi bit out, letting the ice pack drop away from her head. 'Dammit.' She looked up to see both Eric and Nell eyeing her cautiously, both exchanging a quick glance before Eric spoke up.

'Does this have any connection with your friend in Hawaii?'

'That is an excellent question Mr Beale,' Hetty chipped in from the door. Sam, Callen and Deeks stood behind the diminutive woman. Kensi straightened her shoulders in defense. 'Well Ms Blye?'

'Guys I'm getting an incoming transmission from Hawaii,' Eric announced, allowing Kensi's shoulders to slip down slightly.

'Hey you okay?' Deeks asked, startling Kensi. He noticed the way her fingers clenched over the ice pack as she answered.

'I'm _fine_.'

Deeks, of course, had been expecting no less. Kensi was notoriously stubborn about admitting weakness in front of anyone, least of all the men she worked with. He had seen the way she had acted around Nate when the psychologist had briefly come back, saw some of the hardness soften at the edges. It had made him jealous of the lean man, made Deeks wonder what was it about Nate that made Kensi let down her guard so easily.

The screen in front bloomed to life, revealing two figures next to what looked like a computer mounted into a table. Deeks spotted Joe White immediately, the older man already staring straight at his partner.

'Ms Lange,' one of the men spoke, arms crossed. Deeks recognized the voice, took in the cropped hair and noticeable biceps straining against the thin black shirt.

'Would you mind informing me precisely what you have gotten my agent into Cdr McGarrett?' Hetty posed, the barely concealed irritation colouring her words.

'Hetty-'

'It's alright Agent Blye,' Steve interrupted. Kensi shifted away from Deeks, leaned down to whisper something into Hetty's ear. The older woman appeared visibly startled for a moment, staring up at Kensi, before turning to address the room.

'Would you mind giving us the room gentlemen, Ms Jones?'

Deeks opened his mouth to protest, gaping when Callen agreed willingly.

'What? Are you kidding me? Someone breaks into my partner's-'

'C'mon Shaggy,' Sam tugged Deeks towards the door roughly. 'And don't think I've forgotten about the steak McGarrett.'

Steve's laugh was the last thing Deeks heard before being promptly manhandled down the stairs. Pulling his sleeve free rather pointedly, Deeks gave both Sam and Callen a look that bordered on betrayal.

'Okay. Explain to me what just happened.'

'What happened is us obeying Hetty's orders.'

Deeks blinked. 'This is _Kensi_ guys.'

'Girl's got secrets she doesn't want us to know,' Sam said, shrugging his shoulders.

'But as her friends we should be encouraging some kind of environment where-'

'Deeks,' Callen's tone was cutting, blue eyes serious as he looked at the younger man. 'If Kensi wants us to know what's happening, she'll tell us. Otherwise we don't push her. Alright?'

For some reason, Deeks got the feeling that there was something that he was missing. He noticed the subtle glance Sam shared with Callen, as if they had an inkling about what had prompted Kensi to seek out Joe White and remain entangled in Steve McGarrett's affairs.

'Whatever,' Deeks muttered mutinously, not caring if he came across as childish. He parked himself in Kensi's desk chair, careful not to disturb anything as he fixed his eyes on the staircase that led up to Eric and Nell's sanctuary.

Either way, he was getting some kind of answer whether Kensi liked it or not.

**Sorry about the late update! And that it was so short! I've been overseas and just got back. The next one won't be as long, promise!**


	5. Chapter 5

Kensi wasn't quite sure what to think. Hawaii, Steve, Joe and now Wo Fat. Being drawn into a web that wasn't even of her own making. It had brought back memories and old doubts that had always plagued her.

_Well you started this. You have to finish it._

So she had done something completely unexpected – she had asked for help.

'**I was wondering if you could clear some channels for me,' Kensi started, watching as Joe uncrossed his arms at her words. Steve furrowed his brow. 'With the SEALS. I know how tight-knit you guys are, and I was hoping to speak with a few people based out there.'**

'**Kens-'**

'**I'm sure about this Joe,' she cut in firmly. **

'**Am I…missing something here?' Steve questioned, obviously picking up on the tension strumming through Joe's frame.**

'**It's just an old investigation that I…that I think I need to reopen,' Kensi said, pushing back the nauseous feeling bubbling inside her stomach. Thinking about her father shouldn't make her react this way. God she always focused on the positive aspects of her father with Deeks, but lately the whispers of not knowing how he died had begun to eat away at her. The case that had dredged up Jack was when Kensi had started looking through her father's old case file again, unsettled when she realized how truly **_**thin **_**the answers inside were.**

'**Are you positive?' Joe pushed.**

'**This is a road I started, and that I want to finish,' she paraphrased his words from when she had first met Steve, the concern Joe had exhibited for the younger man now being focused on her.**

'**Sure just give me the names and I'll get you access,' Steve promised, still confused but agreeing nonetheless.**

'**Thank you Cdr McGarrett.'**

'**Anytime Agent Blye,' he answered with a smile, earning an arched eyebrow from Hetty.**

'Does Callen actually realize that there's _no _furniture in his house?' Deeks' voice made her jump slightly, Kensi turning her head to see her partner looking perplexed at the empty living room. The sliding door to the deck had been left open at Callen's request, Kensi tucking herself into the surprisingly comfortable chairs Callen had allowed himself to purchase.

'How long has he been living here again?' Deeks muttered, mostly to himself. Kensi bit the inside of her cheek, already preparing herself for the questions that were sure to follow. She had found herself with an understandably upset Deeks when she had finished the video call with Steve and Joe, who proceeded to get even more difficult to deal with when she had asked Callen if she could stay the night at his house. Hetty had, thankfully, intervened and allowed Kensi to leave, but not before Kensi had caught the brief flash of hurt flicker across her partner's face.

'Callen has his ways,' Kensi commented lightly.

'Still. I have a fold out couch back at mine.'

She winced internally at the faint accusation buried behind Deeks' casual statement.

'I didn't _choose _Callen over you Deeks.'

'Just like you didn't _choose _to tell me what the hell you spoke about with Captain America and Joe?'

Kensi gaped at the anger creeping through. She had seen Deeks upset before but this was something entirely different.

'Excuse me? What exactly gives you the right to-'

'You're _my partner _Kensi. And that means we trust each other, no questions asked. Someone came into your apartment and, just, like trespassed into your secret lair all because of whatever _Cdr McGarrett _asked you to help him with.'

'_Joe _asked for my help,' Kensi pointed out, attempting to keep her tone level. 'And just because you're my partner doesn't mean you get to know every single piece of me.'

'You know about my Dad.'

'So what you show me yours, I'm supposed to show you mine?' Kensi demanded, climbing to her feet. Deeks saw her eyes flash as she put her hands on her hips, the robe she had wrapped around herself gaping open to reveal boxer shorts and a tank top knotted at the side.

_Is that…is she wearing G's clothes?_

'Trusting you doesn't mean I have to share every single personal thing about myself,' Kensi told him, voice brooking no argument.

'We all have skeletons in our-'

'God Deeks,' Kensi barked out, letting out a tired laugh. 'What is _this_? Huh? I'm a fully-trained NCIS agent. I don't _need _a big, strong man to protect me.'

'So you admit that I am imposing and possess great strength then?' Deeks joked weakly, trying to get a hold on the conversation. The glare Kensi sent his way had Deeks holding his hands up in a form of surrender. Pushing Kensi was never a good idea, especially when she wasn't feeling particularly charitable to begin with.

'I didn't come here to fight,' Deeks said, slowly inching towards Kensi. 'I just…I just wanted to check up on you. The same way you did when I got shot.'

'I didn't get shot.'

'Sentiment remains the same,' Deeks titled his head. He could see the tightness leave Kensi's eyes at his words, as well as the same weariness that he had noticed the day she had come back from Hawaii.

'I'm good Deeks,' she said softly, her lips turning up minutely.

'Okay then,' he replied, clasping his hands together. 'So…does Callen have some sort of beverage you can offer me? Or does living like the Amish mean we have to milk some kind of natural livestock?'

'It's been a long night…or day.'

'Yeah. Sure. I understand. I'll see you tomorrow,' Deeks retorted casually, stuffing his hands into his pockets.

'Thanks. For stopping by,' Kensi admitted, tucking her hair behind her ear. Deeks caught sight of the bruise that was beginning to form along her jaw, ground his teeth.

'Night Kensi.'

He left, looking over his shoulder to see Kensi wrapping her arms around herself.

'Good move,' Callen's voice echoed, the older man regarding Deeks' thoughtfully in the middle of his living room.

'Nice place you have here. Very…minimalist.'

'Thanks,' Callen gave him what looked like a smirk. 'She'll tell you, you know? Kensi doesn't show it, but the fact that she lets you near her with a gun speaks volumes.'

'I am a fully qualified member of the LAPD,' Deeks mentioned with a wry smile.

'Hey,' Callen cut in, giving him a meaningful look. 'Just…keep reminding her that you're there for her.'

'Sure man,' Deeks answered with a tight smile. 'Night.'

_Well, there's always tomorrow._


	6. Chapter 6

**a/n: To all those who have been waiting impatiently, I'm sorry but real life has been a bitch. But here is the next chapter! Reviews grease the wheels, so they say, so hop to!**

A mighty wave meets an immovable force. That's how Kensi viewed her relationship – _partnership _– with Deeks. The man continually picked and prodded at the wall she had built up around herself, not satisfied until he felt that at least some of the mortar had crumbled. Kensi's reluctance to reveal anything beyond the bare minimum – that the break in to her apartment was likely related to her lip reading an old video of McGarrett's – hadn't placated Deeks at all.

There was tension between them now and Kensi was at a loss as to how to cope with it. Callen and Sam weren't being this difficult, both men accepting Kensi's explanation at face value and leaving it at that.

_Face it Blye, you know why there's a difference with Deeks. You just don't want to admit it yet._

Kensi stared out, arms folded across her chest, as she turned the thought over in her head. The sun beat down against her skin, the air a bit salty. Hawaii, even the military bases, really were completely different to LA.

'**Did he say if there was anyone following him around before he…before he died?' Kensi managed to ask Lt Greg Kenneth, a member of her father's SEAL team. 'Anything suspicious?'**

'**Daniel was a paranoid bastard like the rest of us, but if he did he didn't say anything to me personally,' Kenneth sounded contrite. His blonde hair was cropped close to his head, and she had to squint to make out the silver strands peppering his temples. **

'**What I want to know is how you even got our names,' Kenneth enquired curiously. 'You'd need some seriously high level clearance to get our files without redaction.'**

**Kensi gave him a vague smile, remembering the months of red tape Hetty had had to go through to give her what she needed. **

'**Daniel talked about you whenever we were together,' Lt Greg Kenneth told her, voice soft. Kensi swallowed at his words. 'There wasn't anyone he was prouder of.'**

'**Thank you for your time Lt Kenneth.'**

**Sensing the dismissal and deflection, Kenneth rose to his feet. 'If you need anything else…'**

'**Thank you,' this time Kensi said the words with sincerity.**

'So how'd the interview go?' She heard Steve say behind her. Kensi pushed up her aviators, giving him a tight smile.

'Just like I thought it would,' she offered.

'Yeah?' Steve attempted when she neared his truck.

'Yeah,' Kensi made sure her tone was final. Thankfully Steve hadn't pressed further and Kensi found herself a few hours later at the Hawaiian Hilton's Tropics Bar, surrounded by the rest of Steve's task force.

'You actually _live _here?' Kensi had questioned Detective Danny Williams with an arched brow, earning a smug look from Steve's partner that had the rest of his friends rolling their eyes.

'It's the charm. The manager couldn't resist.'

'More like someone got shot dead and Danny was the only one willing to rent the place out,' Steve added dryly. Kensi laughed at the glare Danny sent his partner's way, taking a pull of the cold beer Steve had set down in front of her.

'So you're heading back to LA in the morning?' Kono Kalakaua asked.

'Back to the office bright and early.'

'That sucks,' Kono wrinkled her nose in mutual sympathy. 'Well maybe the next time you're here I could take you out to the beach. You surf?'

Kensi chuckled. 'My partner's tried to convince me, but I don't.'

'You'd like it. Feels good to ride a wave and forget everything else,' Kono told her, playing with the stem of her glass. The music, something upbeat and catchy, vibrated underneath her feet. Chin Ho and Lori (who for some reason kept giving her muted glares) were engaged in conversation across from her, while Danny and Steve were bickering. She'd heard from Joe about Kono's undercover stint, and the damage it had done, and for some Kensi desperately wanted to let the other woman know that she'd done the right thing.

Turning your back against your team, protecting them was something to be admired. Kensi knew that Kono still felt guilty, and Lori's presence on the team probably wasn't helping either.

_Hell I could be wrong, but what are the chances of me finding another female cop who can tolerate me?_

'You wanna hit up the dance floor?' Kensi posed to Kono, nodding her head towards the knot of people gathered in the middle of the bar. 'I see potential.'

Kono sent her a knowing grin, both of them getting up.

'We'll be busy if you guys need us,' Kono announced before leading Kensi away, throwing her hands in the air and letting the music leak into her system.

Danny watched them go, forced himself not to linger on the way Kono's body swayed as she walked. He seemed to be doing that a lot lately. Glancing at Steve out of the corner of his eye, Danny was surprised to notice Steve doing the same to Kensi.

'See something you like Steven?' Danny couldn't resist enquiring, resisting the urge to laugh when Steve sent him a warning look.

'Agent Blye is just here on business.'

'Right. And I'm sure you don't have at least eight weapons somewhere on your person right now.'

'It's nine,' Steve corrected him absently. 'Besides it's complicated.'

'Just ask if you can see her in a non-professional capacity. I'm sure she'll catch on,' Danny said slowly, as if speaking to a child.

'I dragged her into this mess, Joe and I,' Steve muttered, staring past Danny's shoulder into the ocean.

_Well, that was totally expected._

'You know contrary to popular belief, not every bad thing that happens is because of you. Granted a large majority of my bad fortune seems to occur whenever I'm in close proximity to you, but Kensi came here for her own reasons. _And_,' Danny stressed, 'she came to Hawaii _willingly_. If half the stuff I've heard about NCIS is true, their agents can handle themselves.'

There was a pause before Steve spoke again.

'Non-professional capacity huh?'

'Well I'd start with coffee but who knows what SEALs do for their first date,' Danny mumbled, spotting Kono with her back pressed up against a man with a plaid button down. The grip on his bottle tightened.

'We'll see,' Steve finally said. Noticing Danny's intent gaze, Steve followed his line of sight and felt his eyebrows shoot up in surprise when his eyes rested on a laughing Kono. Kensi wasn't too far away, her dance partner with his hands around her waist.

Something primal pulled at his stomach but Steve downed the rest of his beer, settled the empty bottle back on the table. He could feel Lori's eyes on him.

_Yeah, definitely gonna need another round._


	7. Chapter 7

'Hey Kensi,' Nell greeted her as she placed her gun inside the drawer of her desk. 'These came for you while you were out. It's from Cdr McGarrett.'

Kensi took in the sly smile Nell sent her way and the twinkle in the younger woman's eye.

'Thanks,' she replied neutrally, waiting for Nell to take her leave. Kensi grabbed hold of the package, noting how heavy it was. She had spoken to Steve yesterday about arranging an interview with another member of her father's team. The conversation had been easy and light-hearted, despite the subject matter hovering over their heads, and Kensi genuinely found herself anticipating their next conversation together.

_Though he did seem a little…uncertain in parts. Which is weird because he's a decorated SEAL and those guys don't get nervous easy._

_Maybe he was nervous because of you Kensi? Did you ever think about that?_

Quashing those thoughts abruptly as she shook her head, Kensi settled down at her desk to undo the generic brown paper wrapped around the files on Wo Fat Steve had promised.

_Well at least you know now he keeps his word._

Two slim folders sat atop one that was noticeably thicker. A piece of lined ruled paper caught her attention and Kensi felt her stomach fly for a moment at the words printed neatly across the page.

'What's that? Extra credit?' Deeks asked and Kensi forced herself to slowly fold the note and tuck it underneath her keyboard, looking up into her partner's blue eyes.

'Just some light reading material,' Kensi answered easily, flipping open the first folder. She caught sight of John McGarrett's name and realized she was looking at Steve's father's homicide file. She thought things between them had settled after the break in, after Deeks and her had exchanged words on Callen's patio.

'**He cares about you, you know?' Callen told her, hand on her shoulder. 'It's not exactly a bad thing.'**

'**I didn't ask him to,' Kensi whispered, pulling the robe tighter around her. She pushed away the image of the hurt that had lingered around the corners of Deeks eyes earlier, wondered why he would even bother when she was clearly not worth the effort most of the time.**

'That…er…that from Captain America?' Deeks questioned, shifting his weight uneasily. Kensi tensed, wondering if Deeks was going to continue to act this way whenever Steve's name was brought up.

'Yes,' she answered tersely, hoping her clipped tone would forestall any further probing. No such luck.

'Anything I can help you with?'

This time Kensi stood, smacking the folder close with a pointed look at Deeks.

'What the hell is the matter with you?' She hissed through clenched teeth, glad that the Mission was empty considering the late hour. Sam and Callen had left just before she had come in, Kensi laughing as Callen continued his ribbing over Sam's car.

'I'm just trying to-'

'I told you I'm handling this on my own.'

'Trust me, I got the memo,' Deeks remarked sarcastically. 'God forbid the great Kensi Blye submit that she needs help from us lowly humans.'

'You're an idiot,' Kensi told him, narrowing her eyes as irritation prickled her skin. 'I'm going to let that slide because it's been a long day.'

'Why won't you let me help you?' Deeks said, his voice firm. Kensi slammed her drawer open, making sure Deeks saw her take out her gun. Her partner stared back at her without flinching.

'We've been through this already Deeks-'

'No Kens,' he interrupted her, 'I'm realizing that you've got no problem accepting help from everyone else but me. Sam and Callen have been telling me to give you space, that you'll tell us when you're ready. But I call bullshit.'

'_Excuse me?_'

'Yeah,' Deeks seem emboldened by her outrage. 'I'm your partner Kensi. I'm not going to think you're weak.'

His words made her breath catch in her throat, her eyes blinking rapidly to stave off the burning that was beginning to start. Kensi took in the planes of his face, the stubble lining his jaw and the disheveled locks of hair that rarely saw a comb unless he was forced to. She noticed that his nails were short and smudged with grease, Deeks mentioning that he had worked on his car this morning instead of hitting the beach.

_Would it be so hard to let him in? Even just a little?_

'Fine,' Kensi retorted, sitting back down. Deeks visibly brightened and grabbed his chair, seating himself across from her. She handed him Wo Fat's file, keeping the two slim manila folders for her perusal.

'Well someone's been a naughty boy,' Deeks sing-songed, wilting slightly when Kensi gave him a flat look. 'So this is the guy Joe's interested in?'

Kensi hesitated before replying. 'Steve and I think that he's connected to the break in at my place. He must have found out that I was in Hawaii helping Joe out.' She saw Deeks jaw clench.

'Alright. So I just read out the highlights?'

'Just…give me your first impression of the guy,' Kensi told him, curving her lips. Deeks met her eyes for a beat before running a finger down the first sentence of the dossier.

Kensi turned back to John McGarrett's file, felt Deeks jeans brush against hers as she digested the crime scene photos and coroner's report with a sour feeling in her mouth. She had heard vaguely about Victor Hesse from Joe and she swallowed at a picture of John, half his head blown off and decorating the living room. She read the little notes Steve had added in the margins, took note of the connection Steve had drawn between Hesse and Wo Fat.

The next file caught Kensi's attention as she spotted the name printed on the tab. Margaret McGarrett, wife of John McGarrett.

_God this asshole had killed both his parents?_

Thoughts of her own mother warred with the sadness Kensi felt for Steve, tingeing it with guilt when Kensi realized the only reason she hadn't seen her mother since her father's death was because she hadn't wanted to.

_Still don't want to. Right?_

The charred remains of a car made her spine stiffen. Car bomb. Gas-enhanced. A mix of gasoline and ammonium perchlorate.

'Kensi?' Deeks sounded worried as she climbed abruptly to her feet.

'I need to double-check something,' she murmured and disappeared towards the bank of lockers next to their bullpen, intent on locating the laptop she had brought from home this morning.

Kensi didn't notice Deeks covertly lift the note Steve had written for her, or the dark look that danced across his features when he took in the question tacked on informally at the end.

Booting up the laptop, legs bouncing uncontrollably as she accessed her father's file. She saw the same words from Margaret McGarrett's file repeated, felt her fingers tighten around the computer as the pieces clicked together.

Whoever had killed Mary McGarrett had also had a part in Daniel Blye's murder.


	8. Chapter 8

_Joe had to have known this._

There was just simply no reason for Joe not to have noticed the similarities between Margaret McGarrett and Daniel Blye's murders. Joe had kept himself in the loop when Daniel's death was being investigated by NCIS, Kensi distinctly remembering the disgruntled SAC frowning whenever he caught sight of Joe. Joe's determination to unearth the truth had been a balm on Kensi. With her mother gone and her father laid to rest, Kensi remembered clinging to Joe like an anchor. A comfort that had helped her through when Jack had disappeared.

_How could he have missed this? He must have known about the connection to Wo Fat after seeing the file…_

Steve had included his mother's file in the packet and Kensi had to wonder if the Lieutenant Commander himself had seen the link and simply failed to mention it as well.

'Kens?' Deeks startled her, Kensi gripping the manila folder in her hand so tightly she wondered if the material would tear. Her partner was giving her a worried look, and Kensi didn't miss the tight scowl that lingered around the corners of his mouth. Reeling herself in and smoothing out her features, Kensi abruptly closed her laptop and offered him a tight smile. Deeks flicked his gaze from the file to her face, arching a questioning eyebrow.

_Tell him. He wants to help._

_He has enough skeletons in his closet without you dragging him into yours. Sam and Callen know about your-_

_They know the bare details Hetty told them. Besides Nate when have you ever spoke about your father willingly?_

'Just needed to…look something up,' she decided to say, telling a half-truth. Deeks regarded her intently and Kensi forced herself to relax, to make sure her eyes never left his. It irked her how easily Deeks could see past her façade now, as if putting up her walls was hardly even a challenge to him anymore because a part of her felt grateful she didn't have to hide herself any longer.

'Uh huh,' Deeks reply was skeptical.

_Push me._

_Leave it._

'So this Wo Fat guy seems like a nasty piece of business. Fingers in every bad international criminal pie and he had some kind of beef with…well _has _beef with the McGarrett family…' Deeks trailed off as Kensi titled her head to the side, turning over any possible connection her father could have had with Jack McGarrett and his family. The only one that stood out was Joe himself.

'How could he have missed it?' Kensi whispered to herself out loud.

'Who?'

Kensi straightened. 'Thanks Deeks. I think…I need to talk to Joe.'

It was hard to miss the stubborn set of Deeks shoulders and Kensi braced herself to argue, but found herself both surprised and disappointed when Deeks expelled a long sigh and nodded his head.

'Yeah. Sure. I'll see you tomorrow,' he told her almost dismissively, turning and reaching for the battered duffel he brought in with him whenever he managed to get in a session at the Mission gym. His complete non-reaction sent something like alarm skittering up her spine. At least when he had said those words at Callen's, Kensi had been able to discern the quiet resignation and concern behind them.

'Deeks-' She started, not sure what to say, fumbling around for the right phrasing.

The other man lifted his head, chuckled wryly as he slipped his thumb under the strap resting on his shoulder.

'Sam and Callen have been telling me to give you space, that you'll come to me if you need help. At first I thought they were wrong but clearly they know you better than I thought I did.'

His words stung, felt like a censure, and Kensi couldn't help the hurt from translating into anger.

'Well I'm sorry if I don't meet your high expectations,' she spat out, drawing herself back as she weaved her way around him to place the laptop at her desk. 'Goodnight.'

'Ken-'

She pointedly dropped into her chair and flipped open the laptop's screen, reaching for the cell she had left at the corner of her desk. Kensi focused her full attention on finding Joe's name in her contact list, told herself it didn't matter when Deeks footsteps faded into the night.

_You're not worth the hassle of staying._

The malicious thought filtered through her head and Kensi quashed it, told herself that waking up to an empty house on Christmas morning had no place being compared to Deeks thinking it was too difficult to help her.

'You're good at being everyone else Kensi, but when are you ever going to learn to accept yourself?' Hetty had remarked one day after a particularly trying undercover operation. Kensi hadn't been able to tell the older woman the truth – that accepting herself was never going to be an option because half the time, Kensi wasn't entirely sure who she was. Before her father had died, before Jack, the answer would have been clear. But after being alone for so long, after being abandoned, Kensi Blye was a mystery to everyone including herself.

Her brow furrowed when she heard Joe's cell ring out, her forehead wrinkling even more when it did the same thing a second and third time. She got the same result when she tried to contact Steve and her stomach churned as a familiar foreboding sensation settled into the base of her stomach. Kensi attempted to run a search on both numbers, cursed when she realized both men had encrypted numbers her novice skills would be useless against. She contemplated reaching out to Eric but faltered, told herself that if something were really wrong _someone _would have gotten hold of her. _Hetty _would have told her.

She smoothed out Margaret McGarrett's file, brought up her father's homicide copy on her laptop.

Seat of explosion located. Bomb attached to fuel tank. Digital clock was the switch. Device time activated. 

The details were cold, impersonal and not unlike the reports she herself had written up. Kensi swallowed, ran her fingers from her temples to cradle her head as she stared at the burnt out shell of Margaret McGarrett's car. The bomb had charred the metal, twisted the insides and Kensi felt bile rise in her throat when she thought she saw what looked like a human leg in one of the pictures.

_God._

She had long since removed the pictures from her father's file, though the images were permanently embedded inside her brain. It had been a few months after her father's death and Kensi had been living with Joe in his little, worn down house. Joe had come back from work with a file between his hands, taking care to hide the object from Kensi. Once he was in the shower Kensi had snuck into his study, trembled when she saw her father's name printed across the tab, her eyes widening in horror when Daniel Blye's autopsy photo had stared back at her.

_God I don't want to do this anymore. I'm so tired._

Her eyes slipped shut as the fatigue crept over her, the faint smell of Deeks cologne giving her some small comfort as she drifted off.


	9. Chapter 9

There was a certain way to handle Kensi Blye Deeks knew. Deeks had spent the early weeks of their partnership learning the boundaries and testing them, all the while taking the time to study the person who he would essentially trust his life to each time he stepped out on a job.

Kensi had always fascinated him, not simply because she was an attractive woman. There was no denying the fact that his partner was beautiful and Deeks could often push that fact aside with ease, until Hetty poured her into a dress or some other scrap of clothing that left little to the imagination.

But it was the things about Kensi that she didn't want to reveal that intrigued him the most. The way she could switch off her emotions easily, the way she could still pick herself up after getting hit by a friggin' car…Deeks shook his head when he thought of the last memory, recalling the blasé way Kensi had brushed off the accident as if it were a normal occurrence.

_Well I'm sorry if I don't meet your high expectations._

Kensi's words had sat uneasily in his stomach the entire trip home. He had been tempted – _extremely tempted _– to turn around and apologize. Except that he didn't have anything to apologize for, save for being a friend.

_Just a friend?_

Deeks viciously shoved the thought away, not willing to turn the concept over in his head until he was ready to handle it.

'Hey,' Callen greeted him as he stepped into the OSP building. 'What time did you leave last night?'

'Late I guess,' Deeks answered. 'Why?'

He stopped when he saw Kensi asleep at her desk, files spread out around her. The lines around her face were relaxed and it struck Deeks that Kensi was never genuinely at ease, that most of the time she walked around with an expectation that _something _was going to happen. Her ponytail had come loose and her hair curled around her ear and cheek.

Deeks looked at Callen, who arched an eyebrow in response before nodding towards Kensi. Deeks shook his head violently in response, eyes widening as if he had been asked to disarm a live bomb. Callen smirked, tipped his coffee cup up in salute, before deliberately walking away from his sleeping partner. Deeks glared while quietly shuffling towards his desk, gently lowering his bag to the floor before approaching Kensi.

_Okay you can do this. What is the worst thing that can happen? Well she could possibly mutilate me with a paperclip or, most likely, break my nose._

'Kensi,' Deeks whispered, so softly he could barely hear himself. Kensi slept on.

He really didn't want to wake her. She looked peaceful.

'Ms Blye,' Hetty's sharp bark broke the spell. Kensi jerked awake instinctively, spared Deeks a confused glance that quickly turned shuttered, before rubbing her knuckles against her eyes.

'Ms Blye a word please,' Hetty pressed, snapping her fingers impatiently. Kensi slid off the elastic holding her hair up and Deeks watched transfixed as her hair settled around her like a cloud. She slid by him without a word and Deeks inched closer towards Hetty's desk.

'Sorry. I got caught up doing research and I know you don't like it when-'

'I received a call from Joe White a few minutes ago. It seems that Cmdr McGarrett has been kidnapped by Wo Fat and is currently somewhere in North Korea.'

'Steve's…Hetty-'

'They have the situation under control.'

Deeks straightened at her words as Kensi put her hands on her hips.

'I want to-'

'I'm sorry Ms Blye but that isn't going to be an option. I'm not sure Director Vance will appreciate my voluntarily allowing an NCIS agent to transgress on North Korean soil, no matter how valid the cause.'

Kensi remained silent and Hetty regarded the younger woman without flinching. Deeks heard Kensi hiss out a breath.

'Thank you Kensi.'

'Will you…will you let me know if something happens to them?'

'Of course I will Ms Blye,' Hetty answered in a gentle tone, as if calming a skittish colt. 'I noticed your reading material. Have you discovered anything?'

Kensi rubbed her earlobe.

'Maybe,' was all Kensi offered and Hetty accepted the answer for what it was.

Eric's shrill whistle drew their attention and Deeks hurried to match his stride with Kensi's.

'Hey,' he offered tentatively.

'Hey,' Kensi retorted curtly, quickening her pace. Deeks caught her elbow when they were at the top, Sam giving them a curious look as he followed Callen to Ops.

'Look about last night-'

'It's fine,' Kensi told him abruptly, pulling away from his touch. Deeks let his hand fall to the side but intercepted her when Kensi made to walk away.

'I was-'

'Not now okay?' Kensi snapped out vehemently and pushed past him roughly. Deeks watched her go and rolled his eyes. Sometimes her stubbornness was really irritating.

He tried again when they were in the car, the silence settling over them stifling. There was a difference to this quiet, Deeks sensed, and he shifted in his seat as the car rolled to a stop at a light.

'Are we going to talk?'

Kensi didn't reply but Deeks noticed that her knuckles turned white.

'I don't particularly feel like talking,' Kensi finally bit out, never taking her eyes off the road. Deeks felt his temper bristle in response.

'When do you ever, exactly?' He questioned somewhat sarcastically.

She made a sharp right turn in response, glancing up into the rearview window as he rubbed the shoulder that had slammed into the door.

'I forgot your preferred method of dealing with problems is beating the crap out of something,' Deeks muttered under his breath, loud enough for Kensi to hear. He heard a sharp intake of breath and then the car jerked to a stop.

'You know what? Fine. I'm sorry Deeks that you feel jealous of Steve-'

'_What?_' He sputtered out.

'-but what I do in my own time is _my own damn business_, okay? What I'm doing right now is personal and I would appreciate it if you would find it within yourself to respect that!'

'Okay first off I am _not _jealous of Captain America!' Deeks thought he should point out. 'Second I get it's personal but I'm your _friend _Kensi and it might come as a complete shock to you, but friends help each other out when they need it.'

'Well I don't need it,' Kensi shot back.

'You know what? Seriously. Forget it. I'm done,' Deeks answered wearily, spotting Sam and Callen pull up behind Kensi's car. He opened the door and made sure not to look back as he jogged up towards the other two members of the team.

If he had he would have seen Kensi slam her fist onto the steering wheel.


End file.
